First, Todd and I are officially back at school. My classes have been pretty awesome, so far. This particular class of 8th graders is one that I have heard horror stories about. I prayed about them all summer. I prayed for our relationships, for open hearts, for mutual respect, and that I would be able to prepare them the absolute best that I could before Bean comes. God has truly answered my prayers about the kids in my classes. Don't get me wrong, these kids ARE rough. This is a tough group, but the student that I see everyday have been wonderful and we are growing together, and so far, our relationships have been positive. Now, my prayers are specifically for that to continue, but also for my long-term substitute.
Todd has also been busy with teaching, as well as starting another semester up of his second masters degree, and taking on being an adjunct professor for an online class through Wichita State University. To say he has a crazy schedule is an understatement, but he does so well about managing all of that, while still giving me the attention that, let's all face it, I need. We are both so excited and so ready for Bean to get here! He is getting ahead on his homework to be ready for the day Bean decides to show up!
So, as I mentioned earlier, I am 39 weeks and a few days along. My due date is so close, I can taste it! However, since right before week 38 to now, I have been struggling. Like I shared in a blog post a couple months ago, I really have had a very easy pregnancy. I really didn't struggle with nausea, morning sickness, or extreme exhaustion. I have been healthy, Bean has been healthy, my blood pressure has been spot on, and she has been growing beautifully. (I lift up and give ALL of the glory of this pregnancy to God. He has been our protector and shield. He has allowed me to carry, protect, and support Bean. I know all of that full well.) When I say that I've been struggling, I am talking about the mental aspects that go along with pregnancy, getting larger, growing a human, and getting (extremely) uncomfortable. (This whole stomach resting on legs thing has got to go!)
My struggles over the past couple weeks have come after seeing women I know or follow on social media, who have had due dates close to or AFTER mine, have their babies. Seeing that has made me so hopeful that Bean might come early. Even though I completely understand that typically, first time moms will go over their due date. I have always been one to get hopeful; to build up my expectations so high with so much excitement, and then be completely crushed and disappointed when my expectations aren't met. I get upset because I am still the one pregnant. I am getting increasingly uncomfortable. My back, hips, and groin area ache more and more each day. I am so tired of giving myself injections in my very bruised and tight belly. Thus, I am completely over it, and ready to be holding Bean in my arms.
This last week of school has been extremely difficult. The first few hours of each morning, I couldn't get my head right. I was moping, sad, negative, and just not fun to be around. I didn't even even want to be around me. Coming into work and having my co-workers see me STILL pregnant was and is soul-crushing. I just imagined them thinking, "Oh that poor, huge, pathetic pregnant woman." "Oh, she's STILL pregnant." "I'm surprised she's still here..." And of course, I know they're not thinking these things. I work with the best people! They have been so supportive and excited for me, but It's all just part of that negative mentality that I've been struggling with.
In hopes of starting the labor process, I've been on extremely bumpy rides, driving through my kids' cross country course. I ate, what I consider, spicy food, and that didn't work. Todd and I have tried the age-old advice or "getting down", twice. And that didn't work. I have had my membranes swept. And nope. Bean is just in there flopping around, doing Bean stuff. I have always struggled with patience, but as my levels of discomfort have increased, so have my levels of impatience.
That all being said, this morning, I woke up with a pretty positive outlook and have been enjoying my day. (What teacher on a long, Labor Day weekend wouldn't? Am I right?!) Anyway. The end of my time with Bean inside of my belly is coming to a close very quickly. My due date is in three days. And if she doesn't come on her own before September 7th, Todd and I will go into the hospital early that morning, and I will be induced. (We are currently praying that she will come on her own before then.) What blows my mind is that if we go until the induction date, I will only have one more day with my students. Monday is Labor Day. Tuesday would be with my students. Wednesday I would be at school, but away from my classes grading reading assessments, and Thursday would be Bean day! The end is in sight and we are all super ready!
So, I know this blog has been extremely negative. I am also aware that it sounds like all I've done in these paragraphs is complain and seek out your sympathy. (That was not at all my goal.) I really just wanted to update you and share with you what my experience has been like these last few weeks of pregnancy. This post is also a set-up to a much more positive one: Bean's birth and my experiences through the summer; growing in my relationship with God and how my daughter has been the brightest light and has helped me to grow spiritually in huge and new ways! I can't wait to share that journey with you! Here's a quick preview: God is good! God answers prayers! God cares about your tiniest desires!
And some final thoughts:
1. I am by no means taking for granted the fact that I am pregnant and have been able to successfully and safely carry this child. I know children are a gift from God and I am blessed beyond understanding. I am NOT trying to make light of the fact that there are women whose desire to be a mama is so great that they would take on my aches, mental breakdowns, and every imaginal hardship to be pregnant. I care about all of you. My heart aches for you. And I want so badly for you all to experience the mommy-hood you desire.
2. If some of you are concerned about my delivery and my plans for an epidural, knowing that I give myself twice daily blood thinner injections, be comforted that there is a plan in place. I met with an anesthesiologist (I spelled that correctly on the first try) and she said they will get labs done right away, and they really just need six hours after my last blood thinner injection to be able to give an epidural. I feel pretty comfortable with that knowing how long labor can take. We also have a plan in place in case I start contractions and I am close to the time I would need to give myself an injection. HOWEVER, I am continually praying for God's perfect timing, and blood that is the perfect consistency.
And for the last time, saying "Talk to you later!",
Kendall and Bean